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"In them is fulfilled the saying of the sweet and amorous Word, My only-begotten Son, in the gospel when He replied to Peter's demand, 'Master, we have left everything for your love's sake, and have followed You, what will you give us?' My Truth replied, 'I will give you a hundredfold for one, and you shall possess eternal life.(Mt 19,27-30 Mc 10,28-30 Lc 18,28-30)' As if My Truth had wished to say, 'You have done well, Peter, for in no other way could you follow Me. And I, in this life, will give you a hundredfold for one.' And what is this hundredfold, beloved daughter, besides which the apostle obtained eternal life? To what did My Truth refer?
To temporal substance? "Properly speaking, no. Do I not, however, often cause one who gives alms to multiply in temporal goods? In return for what do I this? In return for the gift of his own will. This is the one for which I repay him a hundredfold. What is the meaning of the number a hundred? A hundred is a perfect number, and cannot be added to except by recommencing from the first. So charity is the most perfect of all the virtues, so perfect that no higher virtue can be attained except by recommencing at the beginning of self- knowledge, and thus increasing many hundredfold in merit; but you always necessarily arrive at the number one hundred. This is that hundredfold which is given to those who have given Me the unit of their own will, both in general obedience, and in the particular obedience of the religious life.
And in addition to this hundred you also possess eternal life, for charity alone enters into eternal life, like a mistress bringing with her the fruit of all the other virtues, while they remain outside, bringing their fruit, I say, into Me, the eternal life, in whom the obedient taste eternal life.
It is not by faith that they taste eternal life, for they experience in its essence that which they have believed through faith; nor by hope, for they possess that for which they had hoped, and so with all the other virtues, Queen Charity alone enters and possesses Me, her possessor. See, therefore, that these little ones receive a hundredfold for one, and also eternal life, for here they receive the fire of divine charity figured by the number of a hundred (as has been said). And because they have received this hundredfold from Me, they possess a wonderful and hearty joy, for there is no sadness in charity, but the joy of it makes the heart large and generous, not narrow or double. A soul wounded by this sweet arrow does not appear one thing in face and tongue while her heart is different. She does not serve, or acttowards her neighbor with dissembling and ambition, because charity is an open book to be read by all. Wherefore the soul who possesses charity never falls into trouble, or the affliction of sadness, or jars with obedience, remains obedient until death."
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"Contrariwise, a wicked disobedient man dwells in the ship of a religious order with so much pain to himself and others, that in this life he tastes the earnest of hell, he remains always in sadness and confusion of mind, tormented by the sting of conscience, with hatred of his order and superior, insupportable to himself. What a terrible thing it is, My daughter, to see one who has once taken the key of obedience of a religious order, living in disobedience, to which he has made himself a slave, for of disobedience he has made his mistress with her companion impatience, nourished by pride, and his own pleasure, which pride (as has been said) issues from self-love.
For him everything is the contrary to what it would be for the obedient man. For how can this wretch be in any other state than suffering, for he is deprived of charity, he is obliged by force to incline the neck of his own will, and pride keeps it erect, all his desires are in discord with the will of the order. The order commands obedience, and he loves disobedience; the order commands voluntary poverty, and he avoids it, possessing and acquiring riches; the order commands continence and purity, and he desires lewdness. By transgressing these three vows, My daughter, a religious comes to ruin, and falls into so many miseries, that his aspect is no longer that of a religious but of an incarnate devil, as in another place I related to you at greater length. I will, however, tell you something now of their delusion, and ofthe fruit which they obtained by disobedience to the commendation and exhortation of obedience. This wretched man is deluded by his self-love, because the eye of his intellect is fixed, with a dead faith, on pleasing his self-will, and on things of the world. He left the world in body, but remained there in his affections, and because obedience seems wearisome to him he wishes to disobey in order to avoid weariness; whereby he arrives at the greatest weariness of all, for he is obliged to obey either by force or by love, and it would have been better and less wearisome to have obeyed by love than without it. Oh! how deluded he is, and no one else deceives him but himself.
Wishing to please himself he only gives himself displeasure, for the actions which he will have to do, through the obedience imposed on him, do not please him. He wishes to enjoy delights and make this life his eternity, but the order wishes him to be a pilgrim, and continually proves it to him; for when he is in a nice pleasant resting place, where he would like to remain for the pleasures and delights he finds there, he is transferred elsewhere, and the change gives him pain, for his will was active against his obedience, and yet he is obliged to endure the discipline and labors of the order, and thus remains in continual torment. See, therefore, how he deludes himself; for, wishing to fly pain, he on the contrary falls into it, for his blindness does not let him know the road of true obedience, which is a road of truth founded by the obedient Lamb, My only-begotten Son, who removed pain from it, so that he walks by the road of lies, believing that he will find delight there, but finding on the contrary pain and bitterness. Who is his guide?
Self-love, that is his own passion for disobedience. Such a man thinks like a fool to navigate this tempestuous sea, with the strength of his own arms, trusting in his own miserable knowledge, and will not navigate it in the arms of his order, and of his superior. Such a one is indeed in the ship of the order in body, and not in mind; he has quitted it in desire, not observing the regulations or customs of the order, nor the three vows which he promised to observe at the time of his profession; he swims in the tempestuous sea, tossed to and fro by contrary winds, fastened only to the ship by his clothes, wearing the religious habit on his body but not on his heart. Such a one is no friar, but a masquerader, a man only in appearance. His life is lower than an animal's, and he does not see that he labors more swimming with hisarms, than the good religious in the ship, or that he is in danger of eternal death; for if his clothes should be suddenly torn from the ship, which will happen at the moment of death, he will have no remedy. No, he does not see, for he has darkened his light with the cloud of self-love, whence has come his disobedience, which prevents him seeing his misery, wherefore he miserably deceives himself. What fruit is produced by this wretched tree? "The fruit of death, because the root of his affection is planted in pride, which he has drawn from self-love. Wherefore everything that issues from this root -- flowers, leaves, and fruit -- is corrupt, and the three boughs of this tree, which are obedience, poverty, and continence, which spring from the foot of the tree; that is, his affections are corrupted. The leaves produced by this tree, which are his words, are so corrupt that they would be out of place in the mouth of a ribald secular; and if he have to preach My doctrine, he does so in polished terms, not simply, as one who should feed souls with the seed of My Word, but with eloquent language. Look at the stinking flowers of this tree, which are his diverse and various thoughts, which he voluntarily welcomes with delight and pleasure, not flying the occasions of them, but rather seeking them in order to be able to accomplish a sinful act, the which is the fruit which kills him, depriving him of the light of grace, and giving him eternal death. And what stench comes from this fruit, sprung from the flowers of the tree? The stench of disobedience, for, in the secret of his heart, he wishes to examine and judge unfaithfully his superior's will; a stench of impurity, for he takes delight in many foul conversations, wretchedly tempting his penitents. "Wretch that you are, do you not see that under the color of devotion you conceal a troop of children? This comes from your disobedience. You have not chosen the virtues for your children as does the truly obedient religious; you strive to deceive your superior when you see that he denies you something which your perverse will desires, using the leaves of smooth or rough words, speaking irreverently and reproving him.
You can not endure your brother, nor even the smallest word and reproof which he may make to you, but in such a case you immediately bring forth the poisoned fruit of anger and hatred against him, judging that to be done to your hurt which was done for your good, and thus taking scandal, your soul and body living in pain. Why has your brother displeased you? Because you live for your own sensual pleasure, you fly your cell as if it were a prison, for you have abandoned the cell of self-knowledge, and thus fallen into disobedience, wherefore you can not remain in your material cell. You will not appear in the refectory against your will whilst you have anything to spend; when you have nothing left necessity takes you there. "Therefore the obedient have done well, who have chosen to observe their vow of poverty, so that theyhave nothing to spend, and therefore are not led away from the sweet table of the refectory, where obedience nourishes both body and soul in peace and quiet. The obedient religious does not think of laying a table, or of providing food for himself like this wretched man, to whose taste it is painful to eat in the refectory, wherefore he avoids it; he is always the last to enter the choir, and the first to leave it; with his lips he approaches Me, with his heart he is far from Me. He gladly escapes from the chapter-house when he can through fear of penance. When he is obliged to be there, he is covered with shame and confusion for the faults which he felt it no shame to commit.
What is the cause of this? Disobedience. He does not watch in prayer, and not only does he omit mental prayer, but even the Divine office to which he is obliged. He has no fraternal charity, because he loves no one but himself, and that not with a reasonable but with a bestial love. So great are the evils which fall on the disobedient; so many are th e fruits of sorrow which he produces, that your tongue could not relate them. Oh! disobedience, which deprives the soul of the light of obedience, destroying peace, and giving war! Disobedience destroys life and gives death, drawing the religious out of the ship of the observance of his order, to drown him in the sea, making him swim in the strength of his own arms, and not repose on those of the order. Disobedience clothes him with every misery, causes him to die of hunger,taking away from him the food of the merit of obedience, it gives him continual bitterness, depriving him of every sweetness and good, causing him to dwell with every evil in life it gives him the earnest of cruel torments to endure, and if he do not amend before his clothes are loosened from the ship at death, disobedience will lead the soul to eternal damnation, together with the devils who fell from heaven, because they rebelled against Me. In the same way have you, oh! disobedient man, having rebelled against obedience and cast from you the key which would have opened the door of heaven, opened instead thedoor of hell with the key of disobedience."
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nor according to the length of time which it takes, but according to the love and promptitude of the truly obedient; and of the miracles which God has performed by means of this virtue; and of discretion in obedience, and of the works and reward of the truly obedient man.
"I have appointed you all to labor in the vineyard of obedience in differentways, and every man will receive a price, according to the measure of hislove, and not according to the work he does, or the length of time for whichhe works, that is to say, that he who comes early will not have more thanhe who comes late, as My Truth told you in the holy gospel by the exampleof those who were standing idle and were sent by the lord of the vineyardto labor; for he gave as much to those who went at dawn, as to those whowent at prime or at tierce, and those who went at sext, at none, and evenat vespers, received as much as the first: My Truth showing you in this waythat you are rewarded not according to time or work, but according to themeasure of your love. Many are placed in their childhood to work in the vineyard;some enter later in life, and others in old age; sometimes these latter laborwith such fire of love, seeing the shortness of the time (Mt 20,6), that they rejointhose who entered in their childhood, because they have advanced but slowly.By love of obedience, then, does the soul receive her merit, filling thevessel of her heart in Me, the Sea Pacific. There are many whose obedienceis so prompt, and has become, as it were, so incarnate in them, that notonly do they wish to see reason in what is ordered them by their superior,but they hardly wait until the word is out of his mouth, for with the lightof faith they understand his intention (Mt 20,1-16). Wherefore the truly obedient manobeys rather the intention than the word, judging that the will of his superioris fixed in My will, and that therefore his command comes from My dispensation,and from My will, wherefore I say to you that he rather obeys the intentionthan the word. He also obeys the word, having first spiritually obeyed inaffection his superior's will, seeing and judging it by the light of faithto be Mine. This is well shown in the lives of the fathers, where you readof a religious, who at once obeyed in his affection the command of his superior,commencing to write the letter o, though he had not space to finish it; whereforeto show how pleasing his prompt obedience was to Me, My clemency gave hima proof by writing the other half of the letter in gold. This glorious virtueis so pleasing to Me, that to no other have I given so many miraculous signsand testimonies, for it proceeds from the height of faith. "In order to showhow pleasing it is to Me, the earth obeys this virtue, the animals obey it-- water grows solid under the feet of the obedient man. And as for the obedienceof the earth, you remember having read of that disciple who, being givena dry stick by his abbot, and being ordered by obedience to plant it in theearth and water it every day, did not proceed to ask how could it possiblydo any good, but, without inquiring about possibilities, he fulfilled hisobedience in such virtue of faith that the dry wood brought forth leavesand fruits, as a sign that that soul had risen from the dryness of disobedience,and, covered by the green leaves of virtue, had brought forth the fruit ofobedience, wherefore the fruit of this tree was called by the holy fathersthe fruit of obedience. You will also find that animals obey the obedientman; for a certain disciple, commanded by obedience, through his purity andvirtue caught a dragon and brought it to his abbot, but the abbot, like atrue physician of the soul, in order that he might not be tossed about bythe wind of vainglory, and to prove his patience, sent him away with harshwords, saying: 'Beast that you are, you have brought along another beastwith yourself.' And as to fire, you have read in the holy scripture thatmany were placed in the fire, rather than transgress My obedience, and, atMy command were not hurt by it. This was the case of the three children,who remained happily in the furnace -- and of many others of whom I couldtell you. The water bore up Maurus who had been sent by obedience to savea drowning disciple; he did not think of himself, but thought only with thelight of faith of how to fulfill the command of his superior, and so walkedupon the water as if he had been on dry land, and so saved the disciple.In everything, if you open the eye of the intellect, you will find shownforth the excellence of this virtue. Everything else should be abandonedfor the sake of obedience. If you were lifted up in such contemplation andunion of mind with Me, that your body was raised from the earth, and an obediencewere imposed on you (speaking generally, and not in a particular case, whichcannot give a law), you ought, if possible, to force yourself to arise, tofulfill the obedience imposed on you, though you should never leave prayer,except for necessity, charity, or obedience. I say this in order that youmay see how prompt I wish the obedience of My servants to be, and how pleasingit is to Me. Everything that the obedient man does is a source of merit tohim. If he eats, obedience is his food; if he sleeps, his dreams are obedience;if he walks, if he remains still, if he fasts, if he watches -- everythingthat he does is obedience; if he serve his neighbor, it is obedience thathe serves. How is he guided in the choir, in the refectory, or his cell?By obedience, with the light of the most holy faith, with which light hehas slain and cast from him his humbled self-will, and abandoned himselfwith self-hatred to the arms of his order and superior. Reposing with obediencein the ship, allowing himself to be guided by his superior, he has navigatedthe tempestuous sea of this life, with calm and serene mind and tranquillityof heart, because obedience and faith have taken all darkness from him; heremains strong and firm, having lost all weakness and fear, having destroyedhis own will, from which comes all feebleness and disordinate fear. And whatis the food of this spouse obedience? She eats knowledge of self, and ofMe, knowing her own non- existence and sinfulness, and knowing that I amHe who is, thus eating and knowing My Truth in the Incarnate Word. What doesshe drink? The Blood, in which the Word has shown her, My Truth, and theineffable love which I have for her, and the obedience imposed on Him byMe, His Eternal Father, so she becomes inebriated with the love and obedienceof the Word, losing herself and her own opinions and knowledge, and possessingMe by grace, tasting Me by love, with the light of faith in holy obedience."The obedient man speaks words of peace all his life, and at his death receivesthat which was promised him at his death by his superior, that is to say,eternal life, the vision of peace, and of supreme and eternal tranquillityand rest, the inestimable good which no one can value or understand, for,being the infinite good, it cannot be understood by anything smaller thanitself, like a vessel, which, dipped into the sea, does not comprehend thewhole sea, but only that quantity which it contains. The sea alone containsitself. So I, the Sea Pacific, am He who alone can comprehend and value Myselftruly. And in My own estimate and comprehension of Myself I rejoice, andthis joy, the good which I have in Myself, I share with you, and with all,according to the measure of each. I do not leave you empty, but fill you,giving you perfect beatitude; each man comprehends and knows My goodnessin the measure in which it is given to him. Thus, then, the obedient man,with the light of faith in the truth burning in the furnace of charity, anointedwith humility, inebriated with the Blood, in company with his sister patience,and with self- contempt, fortitude, and enduring perseverance, and all theother virtues (that is, with the fruit of the virtues), receives his endfrom Me, his Creator."
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"I have now, oh dearest and best beloved daughter, satisfied from the beginningto the end your desire concerning obedience. "If you remember well, you madefour petitions of Me with anxious desire, or rather I caused you to makethem in order to increase the fire of My love in your soul: one for yourself,which I have satisfied, illuminating you with My Truth, and showing you howyou may know this truth which you desired to know; explaining to you howyou might come to the knowledge of it through the knowledge of yourself andMe, through the light of faith. The second request you made of Me was thatI should do mercy to the world. In the third you prayed for the mysticalbody of the holy Church, that I would remove darkness and persecutions fromit, punishing its iniquities at own desire in your person. As to this I explainedthat no penalty inflicted in finite time can satisfy for a sin committedagainst Me, the Infinite Good, unless it is united with the desire of thesoul and contrition of the heart. How this is to be done I have explainedto you. I have also told you that I wish to do mercy to the world, provingto you that mercy is My special attribute, for through the mercy and theinestimable love which I had for man, I sent to the earth the Word, Myonly-begotten Son, whom, that you might understand things quite clearly,I represented to you under the figure of a Bridge, reaching from earth toheaven, through the union of My divinity with your human nature. "I alsoshowed you, to give you further light concerning My truth, how this Bridgeis built on three steps; that is, on the three powers of the soul. Thesethree steps I also represented to you, as you know, under figures of yourbody -- the feet, the side, and the mouth -- by which I also figured threestates of soul -- the imperfect state, the perfect state, and the most perfectstate, in which the soul arrives at the excellence of unitive love. I haveshown you clearly in each state the means of cutting away imperfection andreaching perfection, and how the soul may know by which road she is walkingand of the hidden delusions of the devil and of spiritual self-love. Speakingof these three states I have also spoken of the three judgments which Myclemency delivers -- one in this life, the second at death on those who diein mortal sin without hope, of whom I told you that they went under the Bridgeby the Devil's road, when I spoke to you of their wretchedness. And the thirdis that of the last and universal judgment. And I who told you somewhat ofthe suffering of the damned and the glory of the blessed, when all shallhave reassumed their bodies given by Me, also promised you, and now againI repeat my promise, that through the long endurance of My servants I willreform My spouse. Wherefore I invite you to endure, Myself lamenting withyou over her iniquities. And I have shown you the excellence of the ministersI have given her, and the reverence in which I wish seculars to hold them,showing you the reason why their reverence towards My ministers should notdiminish on account of the sins of the latter, and how displeasing to meis such diminution of reverence; and of the virtue of those who live likeangels. And while speaking to you on this subject, I also touched on theexcellence of the sacraments. And further wishing you to know of the statesof tears and whence they proceed, I spoke to you on the subject and toldyou that all tears issue from the fountain of the heart, and pointed outtheir causes to you in order. "I told you not only of the four states oftears, but also of the fifth, which germinates death. I have also answeredyour fourth request, that I would provide for the particular case of anindividual; I have provided as you know. Further than this, I have explainedMy providence to you, in general and in particular, showing you how everythingis made by divine providence, from the first beginning of the world untilthe end, giving you and permitting everything to happen to you, both tribulationsand consolations temporal and spiritual, and every circumstance of your lifefor your good, in order that you may be sanctified in Me, and My Truth befulfilled in you, which truth is that I created you in order to possess eternallife, and manifested this with the blood of My only-begotten Son, the Word."I have also in My last words fulfilled your desire and My promise to speakof the perfection of obedience and the imperfection of disobedience; andhow obedience can be obtained and how destroyed. I have shown it to you asa universal key, and so it is. I have also spoken to you of particular obedience,and of the perfect and imperfect, and of those in religion, and of thosein the world, explaining the condition of each distinctly to you, and ofthe peace given by obedience, and the war of disobedience, and how thedisobedient man is deceived, showing you how death came into the world bythe disobedience of Adam, and how I, the Eternal Father, supreme and eternalTruth, give you this conclusion of the whole matter, that in the obedienceof the only- begotten Word, My Son, you have life, and as from that firstold man you contracted the infection of death, so all of you who will takethe key of obedience have contracted the infection of the life of the newMan, sweet Jesus, of whom I made a Bridge, the road to Heaven being broken.And now I urge you and My other servants to grief, for by your grief andhumble and continual prayer I will do mercy to the world. Die to the worldand hasten along this way of truth, so as not to be taken prisoner if yougo slowly. I demand this of you now more than at first, for now I have manifestedto you My Truth. Beware that you never leave the cell of self-knowledge,but in this cell preserve and spend the treasure which I have given you,which is a doctrine of truth founded upon the living stone, sweet ChristJesus, clothed in light which scatters darkness, with which doctrine clotheyourself, My best beloved and sweetest daughter, in the truth."
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How this most devout soul, thanking and praising God, makes prayer for thewhole world and for the Holy Church, and commending the virtue of faith bringsthis work to an end.
Then that soul, having seen with the eye of the intellect, and having knownby the light of holy faith the truth and excellence of obedience, hearingand tasting it with love and ecstatic desire, gazed upon the divine majestyand gave thanks to Him, saying, "Thanks, thanks to You, oh eternal Father,for You have not despised me, the work of Your hands, nor turned Your facefrom me (Ps 87,15 Ps 21,25), nor despised my desires; You, the Light, have not regarded my darkness;You, true Life, have not regarded my living death; You, the Physician, havenot been repelled by my grave infirmities; You, the eternal Purity, havenot considered the many miseries of which I am full; You, who are the Infinite,have overlooked that I am finite; You, who are Wisdom, have overlooked myfolly; Your wisdom, Your goodness, Your clemency, Your infinite good, haveoverlooked these infinite evils and sins, and the many others which are inme. Having known the truth through Your clemency, I have found Your charity,and the love of my neighbor. What has constrained me? Not my virtues, butonly Your charity. May that same charity constrain You to illuminate theeye of my intellect with the light of faith, so that I may know and understandthe truth which You have manifested to me. Grant that my memory may be capableof retaining Your benefits, that my will may burn in the fire of Your charity,and may that fire so work in me that I give my body to blood, and that bythat blood given for love of the Blood, together with the key of obedience,I may unlock the door of Heaven. I ask this of You with all my heart, foreveryrational creature, both in general and in particular, in the mystical bodyof the holy Church. I confess and do not deny that You loved me before Iexisted, and that Your love for me is ineffable, as if You were mad withlove for Your creature. Oh, eternal Trinity! oh Godhead! which Godhead gavevalue to the Blood of Your Son, You, oh eternal Trinity, are a deep Sea,into which the deeper I enter the more I find, and the more I find the moreI seek; the soul cannot be satiated in Your abyss, for she continually hungersafter You, the eternal Trinity, desiring to see You with light in Your light.As the hart desires the spring of living water, so my soul desires to leavethe prison of this dark body and see You in truth. How long, oh! EternalTrinity, fire and abyss of love, will Your face be hidden from my eyes? Meltat once the cloud of my body. The knowledge which You have given me of Yourselfin Your truth, constrains me to long to abandon the heaviness of my body,and to give my life for the glory and praise of Your Name, for I have tastedand seen with the light of the intellect in Your light, the abyss of You-- the eternal Trinity, and the beauty of Your creature, for, looking atmyself in You, I saw myself to be Your image, my life being given me by Yourpower, oh! eternal Father, and Your wisdom, which belongs to Your only-begottenSon, shining in my intellect and my will, being one with Your Holy Spirit,who proceeds from You and Your Son, by whom I am able to love You. You, EternalTrinity, are my Creator, and I am the work of Your hands, and I know throughthe new creation which You have given me in the blood of Your Son, that Youare enamored of the beauty of Your workmanship. Oh! Abyss, oh! Eternal Godhead,oh! Sea Profound! what more could You give me than Yourself; You are thefire which ever burns without being consumed; You consume in Your heat allthe soul's self-love; You are the fire which takes away all cold; with Yourlight You do illuminate me so that I may know all Your truth; You are thatlight above all light, which illuminates supernaturally the eye of my intellect,clarifying the light of faith so abundantly and so perfectly, that I seethat my soul is alive, and in this light receives You -- the true light.By the Light of faith I have acquired wisdom in the wisdom of the Word --Your only-begotten Son. In the light of faith I am strong, constant, andpersevering. In the light of faith I hope, suffer me not to faint by theway. This light, without which I should still walk in darkness, teaches methe road, and for this I said, Oh! Eternal Father, that You have illuminatedme with the light of holy faith. Of a truth this light is a sea, for thesoul revels in You, Eternal Trinity, the Sea Pacific. The water of the seais not turbid, and causes no fear to the soul, for she knows the truth; itis a deep which manifests sweet secrets, so that where the light of Yourfaith abounds, the soul is certain of what she believes. This water is amagic mirror into which You, the Eternal Trinity, bid me gaze, holding itwith the hand of love, that I may see myself, who am Your creature, thererepresented in You, and Yourself in me through the union which You made ofYour godhead with our humanity. For this light I know to represent to myselfYou -- the Supreme and Infinite Good, Good Blessed and Incomprehensible,Good Inestimable. Beauty above all beauty; Wisdom above all wisdom -- forYou are wisdom itself. You, the food of the angels, have given Yourself ina fire of love to men; You, the garment which covers all our nakedness, feedthe hungry with Your sweetness. Oh! Sweet, without any bitter, oh! EternalTrinity, I have known in Your light, which You have given me with the lightof holy faith, the many and wonderful things You have declared to me, explainingto me the path of supreme perfection, so that I may no longer serve You indarkness, but with light, and that I may be the mirror of a good and holylife, and arise from my miserable sins, for through them I have hithertoserved You in darkness. I have not known Your truth and have not loved it.Why did I not know You? Because I did not see You with the glorious lightof the holy faith; because the cloud of self-love darkened the eye of myintellect, and You, the Eternal Trinity, have dissipated the darkness withYour light. Who can attain to Your Greatness, and give You thanks for suchimmeasurable gifts and benefits as You have given me in this doctrine oftruth, which has been a special grace over and above the ordinary graceswhich You give also to Your other creatures? You have been willing to condescendto my need and to that of Your creatures -- the need of introspection. Havingfirst given the grace to ask the question, You reply to it, and satisfy Yourservant, penetrating me with a ray of grace, so that in that light I maygive You thanks. Clothe me, clothe me with You, oh! Eternal Truth, that Imay run my mortal course with true obedience and the light of holy faith,with which light I feel that my soul is about to become inebriated afresh."
Catherine, Dialogue 160