Prof. Cardinal Georges Cottier, OP

Priestly friendship – Ongoing formation

Ongoing formation requires adequate means that cannot simply be the extension of those used in seminaries. This is obvious. The needs are far more complex. The self-educational aspect is fundamental. By self-education I mean making the effort to understand, in the light of the faith, the priest’s pastoral experience. Self-education does not imply introversion and individualism. On the contrary, an understanding of one’s own experience need help from one’s spiritual director, who assists one to discern what is right and good and conforms to divine will. Ongoing formation is in fact the means allowing the priest to mature in sanctity. Among the aspects of this formation there is also friendship and in particular priestly friendship.

It is known that a number of ascetic-spiritual authors have expressed a degree of mistrust regards to friendship. People were warned against so-called “particular friendships”. There were various reasons for such prudence and these reasons are still valid today. They were wrong to start with fear of possible abuse, ignoring the beauty of real friendship. Prayer and humility are effective protection against the danger of deviations.

To discuss the theological virtue of divine mercy, Saint Thomas in fact uses Aristotle’s chapter dedicated to friendship in his Nicomachean Ethics. By analogy, Thomas refers to friendship to define the relationship, founded on grace, between human beings and Divine Persons. Consequently, human friendship is acknowledged on all its greatness. Friendship is a great human treasure. Let us say immediately that there are many different forms of friendship, depending on the reasons for it: some friendships are based on interest, on a shared project that lasts for a period of time. There is friendship based on a shared search for superior goods, cultural goods and even higher, spiritual goods. This is priestly friendship, reciprocal help at the service of God’s people and the search through this ministry for sanctity. The lives of priests today, in particular in urban environments, are exposed like those of all our contemporaries to continuous stress one must defend oneself from. The fact that one is overburdened and subjected to the rhythm of modern life certainly does nothing for one’s balance. This is another aspect to bear in mind. Another problem is that of emotional balance, of feeling lonely and the temptation to become discouraged. At this point, real friendship can be of great help for remaining faithful to the commitment to perfect chastity the objective of which is the complete gift of oneself to Christ and to His Church at the service of others.

Friendship is an invitation to reciprocal encouragement to try and achieve sanctity in life. Shared prayers, a spiritual and doctrinal exchange, participation in pastoral concerns find natural stimulus and support in friendship. This also applies to human formation as does practising sport, as well as travel and cultural holidays that open one to the world and also to the needs of humankind, especially the poor. Friendship can also gather together small groups of priests, with regularly held meetings allowing a comparison of pastoral problems and information and encourage cooperation. When friendship is sufficiently profound, the fraternal correctio can also help, as in particular it protects one from certain defects that develop through loneliness. While the friendship discussed here is a form of charity, openness to others will be the mark of its authenticity. If instead it is inwardly addressed, things are not as they should be and it becomes shared selfishness. Welcoming a brother experiencing problems, participation in the life of the presbyterium, loyal and simple relationships with the Bishop, are the mark of its authenticity. The Bishop – as far as he is concerned - must encourage this form of friendship as the expression of priestly brotherhood.